Bucket List Item Failure: Dyngus Day

, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

One of my bucket list items is to celebrate Dyngus Day and document it. Dyngus Day has a great tradition in Poland and Polish Americans have adopted it across the country…and totally different. A few years ago I wrote an article about Dyngus Day (aptly titled the same) and its genius marketing and it is a day I have always been a fan of. I do need to apologize for the possibility that the piece will be hard to read. The pictures don’t always align that well on some devices and it may show them at odd places. It shouldn’t be that big of a deal for most.

According to Wikipedia, in Poland Dyngus Day is, “Traditionally, boys throw water over girls and spank them with pussy willow branches on Easter Monday, and girls do the same to boys. This is accompanied by a number of other rituals, such as making verse declarations and holding door-to-door processions, in some regions involving boys dressed as bears. The origins of the celebration are uncertain, but it may date to pagan times (before 1000 AD); it is described in writing as early as the 15th century. It continues to be observed in Central Europe, and also in the United States, where certain patriotic American elements have been added to the traditional Polish ones.” In America it differs from community to community. Buffalo, New York has a big parade and a Dyngus Day Queen and Cleveland is similar. South Bend, Indiana has a few bars and private clubs with a bus route. Much of the money raised on Dyngus Day goes to benefit the club’s pet projects or to charities. Political candidates go from bar to bar to campaign during the day. It’s a lot of fun. In La Porte, Indiana (where I spent the bulk of my day), it’s a big pub crawl. Bars earn an estimated twenty-five to thirty-five percent of their annual profits on just this one day. They hire a shuttle bus company to take people from bar to bar because it’s big money. There are always ten to twelve bars on the route and you get a button at each bar you stop at. I was once told that you can still get a button even if you only drink water, but I don’t need that kind of negativity in my life. I added the link to the Facebook page of the various places I visited. 

At 9AM Centeal, Brandon picked me up at my house to take me to breakfast with the news that he has a job interview at 11:30 today. So it was a quick trip to South Bend, but that’s cool. It’s just breakfast. 

(Note 1: Please understand that I am not editing the stop-by-stop account of the day to show the possible effects of alcohol on a person. This should be a fun little experiment.)

 

(Note 2: I have not had anything to drink in about two months to simulate Lent and as such, I have to tolerance for alcohol at this time.)

 

In the words of Hannibal Lecture, “Okey-dokie, let’s get started!

Stop 0: ZB Falcons. South Bend, Indiana.

Brandon and I went there to eat mostly. Because of South Bend being on Eastern time and I live in Central, it’s a late (10AM) breakfast my time or 11 for them. I ate a sausage sandwich (Polish sausage), Polish wedding noodles, and a large cheese pierogi. The plate had sweet and sour cabbage which is a big Polish thing but I hate cabbage. Growing up, mother tried getting me to eat that crap too much and just the smell gets to me. Sorry for the diatribe of unresolved childhood issues. Anyway, I also had a shat of blackberry brandy and a margarita Jell-O shot. Next I’ll go home and do a few things, then run to Michigan City for a much needed shave and a hair cut (head shave).

Shave and a haircut (head shave). Franklin Street Barbers. Michigan City, Indiana.

I feel great! They do an excellent job and I always walk out feeling like a new man. If anyone wonders why I have someone else do it for me instead of doing it myself since it’s fairly easy, they’ve simply never had it done. Any man who wonders why a man would have someone do that, deserves to have his man card suspended till he’s had one. It is worth the price and the service is amazing. I had to add a before and after. See how much happier I am after?

Pregame. La Porte Best Western. La Porte, Indiana.

So I sat up the booze in my room that Brandon and I both brought and an assortment of stuff to make the day go well and be fun. In the past I have been warned against presuming Dyngus Day and perhaps they were right. I completed the route last year but I did pregame it and that may have been a mistake.

Stop 12 Part 1 (Or 0.2). Rother’s Pub. La Porte, Indiana.

I am checked into the the La Porte Best Western. and Rother’s is the 12th bar on the route, so we can grab the bus here and start on the route at the first bar, so it just makes sense to have a couple drinks here. Right? This is more or less a continuation of our pregame exploits.

Stop 1. Casey’s Lanes. La Porte, Indiana.

Ok. So I’m already drunk from the pregame and I can see already that tonight is a bad idea. This is a bowling ally and they’ve done a decent job with it. At 6:45 pm the place is over half full. My posse is one person though it was supposed to be a group. Whatever! I have bourbon and my friend so we are all good!

Stop 4. PRCU. La Porte, Indiana.

I’m feeling it. We went out of order to meet up with Amy and Daniel. I just ate the saddest Polish dinner I’ve ever had at a Polish place. Fortunately I’ve had more bourbon so I’m ok. I’m seeing now that I’m drunk enough that my post is rather short. No! I am still sad! I want their Polish cards taken away from them!

Stop 5. JJs Side Out. La Porte, Indiana.

Oh god! I’m only a quarter oh the way through! I got this? Kaluski noodles and another bourbon and sprite should help. I like this bar. It had a bad reputation in town before but it’s better. I think this is the one I tried walking from last year and Ryan had to come get me so I didn’t get lost. I’m feeling it nor.

Stop 2. Dicks Bar. La Porte, Indiana.

We got Amy to drive us! Hell yeah! You like this place. This seems to be the place to be. We stayed at the last place e too long and now we have 2 hours to do 7 more bars. I’m not sure I can last. You know you’re in a bar in Indiana when you see guns as decorations in a case. Haha!!!!

Stop 3. Burger Bar. La Porte, Indiana.

More food at last. I need subtype to eat. I’ve never eaten here before but I hear the food if. I’m peckish but not hungry like the hippo. They only have the fryer going so mozzarella stix it is. Hellz to the yeah! I want food. The food was awesome. I’m also really drunk right now. Maybe the Long Island wasn’t the best choice here. The second one was definitely not a great idea. Hot chix in the dance floor though so I’m gonna chill for a bit and enjoy. Pregame was a mistake. I should have done the route in order and just post games this shit. Fuck I’m drunk!

Stop 12 Part 2. Rother’s Pub. La Porte, Indiana.

Brandon decided to tuen in early. I decided I needed two more long islands. That may have been a big mistake. Anyway, Amy and Daniel also left so I am making new friends at the bar. Thank God for autocorrect or no one could see what I am writing. The busses are stopped having running now and I think I am done after this drink.

It’s kind of fun to see after this how my grammar and spelling deteriorated through the night.

 

 

Sometimes we can’t complete our goals and we need to learn from our failures. That was the case this year. My bucket list item was to finish the route and document it. I did finish last year but I wanted to do that this year with documentation. So next year I will take some lessons away with me and be ready to finish:

1. I will be ready to start the route immediately upon checking in to the hotel.

2. I won’t pregame in the room. Post game, sure, but not pregame.

3. Do the route in order. Don’t skip around.

4. Get my haircut and shave on Friday or Saturday before to look pretty, not the day of.

5. Eat more at the Falcon Nest in South Bend before hand.

6. Postgame! There is no need to take booze with. You can post game with Long Islands after at Rother’s till they close.

7. Don’t let Amy distract me with “I’m at another bar and I guess you guys won’t see me” crap. The route gets done in order!

With those seven key tips, I should be able to do the entire route with full documentation next year. I will see you in La Porte Monday, April 22, 2019. Lets achieve our goals together!

 

For more from Michael Beebe, please read his blog on TheMichaelBeebe.com.